Time…

Happy Wednesday,

How is everyone doing this fine Wednesday afternoon? I hope you’re all doing well. I’ve only heard from a few of you on how your weekend went, but I do know how busy life can get, so please know that I’ve missed hearing from all my regulars and I am thinking of you and sending well wishes your way. John was saying that maybe we can go to the bay later and do some kayaking. I can’t even tell you how much I’ve missed the bay and just being near the water. I’m super excited to think that maybe I can actually get into the water today. I’ll keep you posted and let you all know tomorrow if I got to enjoy the bay or the pool, either way, the water and sunshine are calling me….

I have chosen to sit outside on the patio and write. I worked on my book today, and finished quite a few pages and made tons of changes. I’m really getting excited to finish the book and get it published. My goal is to be completely done writing it by my birthday, so a little less than two months away, and I think it’s doable. I actually feel like I might be able to get it done this weekend. I won’t really get to spend any time with John as he has to work, so I think it could be a really good time to just sit down and wrap it up. We’ll see though. I’m thinking it’s also a great time to work on a couple quilts I’ve been wanting to finish up. Maybe I’ll do a little of both. Who knows. I still have a couple of days to decide.

I wanted to talk a little bit about time. I’ve heard a couple YouTube videos about how some feel that the time they were involved in a certain religion, and how they feel it was time wasted. They feel resentment for the time they can’t get back. Some of the comments made had me self reflecting about my long sentence within a certain religion and while I can see where people have resentment for the time they gave to this “faith”, and even though I wish I could have led a “normal” life outside the organization, I can’t, in all honesty, say that I am resentful for the time I was in. I suppose it’s because I’m in the process of writing a book about my life and abuse within the confines of such a high controlling religion. I know I wouldn’t be writing this book if it weren’t for the life I had. Maybe I’m not resentful because, at the time, it was the only life I knew. I can’t even tell you exactly what it was that woke me up to the fact that I believe I was indoctrinated by a cult.

I am thankful that I am out and free. Free from the religion that is. I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely free because I have to tip toe around the subject (religion) with certain family members and friends that are still fully indoctrinated. My love for these people in my life is so deep that I don’t want to lose them. I know that by writing my blog and being open about my life as a JW, I do stand the chance to be “told” on and the consequences would be rather harsh for me. I’d be shunned and those within the cult wouldn’t be allowed to speak to me again. I suppose you may be wondering why I even risk the chance of being “outed” about speaking up about my own personal experience in the religion? Simple. It’s my therapy. I also hope to be someone who is honest about my own experience and maybe I can help someone who feels stuck and alone. I would never encourage anyone to leave the religion, but I can hopefully help someone who is struggling stay strong to the course, whatever their course looks like.

I’ve been sitting here thinking about how much time I dedicated to a religion. I dedicated time to a religion rather than to God. I thought, looking back, that I was serving God to my best ability, but really, I was serving a religion or an organization. I spent more time trying to bring people into the “truth” instead of spending quality time talking to God, showing him gratitude for this amazing world we live in, the world he provided for us. I had this bubble around me thinking everything outside the religion was bad. I never just sat and enjoyed the beauty of my garden. I never took time to just go to the beach and walk. I still feel a sense of guilt just sitting here writing my blog and book. I feel guilty too when I sit here and just zone out watching the hummingbirds or simply the wind blowing through the trees. When I think about it, it’s almost like I’m having a conversation with God. I feel his presence with me, I see it in my little safe place here on the patio. It’s by his creations that there is so much beauty around me. Who knows, maybe God is talking to me through the wind that is gently blowing and making the flowers sway ever so slightly. Even though I haven’t been able to rid myself of the guilt of doing nothing but writing, it’s pretty amazing being able to sit here and enjoy being apart of his creation.

“None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after-thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you are carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.”-Keanu Reeves. This is true. Even Watchtower teaches that the things in this world are temporary, however, they teach that God will soon destroy the world and only a few will survive, that few being only it’s faithful members. The Watchtower makes you feel guilty for enjoying life. If you’re enjoying anything in the world then maybe you’re not doing enough for the religion. There was recently a talk given by one of those governing body members and in this talk, he asked the question, “is your good, good enough.” Basically, are you giving 100% to the organization?

John and I had the opportunity to spend a little time talking about God with some friends recently. When we left their home, he quoted the scripture at Matthew 18:20, “for where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”-NIV. John’s point was, we don’t need a church in order to be blessed by God, we can talk about him, exchange thoughts and ideas and even quote scripture and have his blessing among us. I know one thing from that experience with our friends was, I felt encouraged and close to God because we were talking about him, talking about his many amazing wonders and even though we didn’t see eye to eye exactly on certain topics, we still were able to have a wonderful discussion regarding his word.

I am almost 53 years old and I still have a life to live. Being on or in the water is my happy place and that’s why I want to live in Canyon Lake some day. I want a home right on the water. I want to be able to look out all my windows and just enjoy the beauty of the sun rising or setting on the lake. I want to be able to sit outside and enjoy the laughter of my neighbors and their kids splashing around in the water. I want to enjoy my own grandchildren some day by taking them swimming or watching my son teach his future babies how to water ski.

We have been given the gift of life. We have been given a world full of amazing and wonderful things to enjoy. We have to travel a very short distance to be able to see some wonderful thing the planet has to offer. We can walk out our front door and find beauty, no matter where we live. We just have to open our eyes. Maybe we live in a really poor area? Maybe what we see is the beauty in the smile of a child? Maybe it’s found in seeing a baby take their first step or maybe it’s having an elderly person say good morning to us. Maybe we are blessed to live near the ocean and we are able to enjoy waking up to the sound of crashing waves? Maybe we live in a little apartment and we are able to wake up to a cool breeze and being able to see our flowers moving about and baby birds feeding off our feeders? Whatever or wherever you are, what are you able to enjoy during any point of your day?

What are you taking time out to do? What weird thing do you enjoy? Are you feeling trapped in guilt like me? I hope not. I hope you are able to treat yourselves like you matter, because you do. “Life is short and unpredictable. Eat dessert first!:-Helen Keller. Okay, so I am saying yes, enjoy dessert first, but I’m not telling you to not be healthy. I just want you to enjoy the little things in life. I want you to treat yourselves kindly, because you and me, we aren’t some sort of an afterthought, we matter and that’s the truth from the bottom of my heart. The time is now. It is now that we must start living and enjoying. It’s okay to do nothing and it’s okay to take time to reinvent or rejuvenate yourself. It’s okay to find happiness in the little things and it’s okay to splurge now and again. What’s not okay is to treat others badly. Time is precious. With every breath we take, someone is taking their last.

What were you able to enjoy today? Where you able to take a moment of time that was meant just for you? Time is precious and once it’s gone, you can’t get it back. Enjoy the little things, enjoy the grand things, whatever it is, make the most of your time, even if it means, doing absolutely nothing. I’ve enjoyed the time we had today. I love writing and talking to you all. I hope you are having a blessed day and don’t forget, Love Life++