Self Love

Happy Tuesday,

How is everyone doing this fine Tuesday afternoon? How was your weekend? Did you do anything fun and exciting for Mother’s Day? Send me a text or comment and let me know, I love hearing from each and everyone of you. My weekend was a good one. It was relaxing, which is what I needed after last weeks issues. Seems the stress of life is really weighing heavily upon me. I used to be able to handle stress and now, it literally takes all my energy. I told John last night the sad part about all this is, if I ever do have an actual heart attack, I’ll just dismiss it as stress. The doctors told me that there is something wrong, but I need more testing to determine what exactly it is going on. Wish me luck, I need it.

I thought today, I’d talk about self love and what exactly that looks like for me. When I was in the hospital last week, the doctor told me I needed to do certain things for my health. One thing he told me was, less stress. Well that seems to be what most doctors are saying, however, it’s not always easy to escape stress. I used to be good at it, stress that is. I used to let stress roll off my back. I ignored most negative things in my life. I think part of the reason I was able to handle things was, because I wanted to set the best example for my boys. I didn’t want them having a negative mom, they already had a negative dad, so two negatives would be a recipe for disaster.

One thing I never did in my life was put any of my needs first and rarely did I ever put them into the mix of things. I don’t think I even realized there was such a thing as self love, or even what it meant. I decided to look up what self love meant and it said, “self-love is having a high regard for your own well being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well being to please others. Self love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves.”-bbrfoundation.org. I think sometimes we as women forget to take care of ourselves. I know for me, I was so busy taking care of my children, my husband, my home, my friends that I forgot I even had needs. I forgot I existed.

I came across a quote last week that really got me to thinking about this very subject of self love. It defined self love like this, “when you love yourself, you glow from the inside. You attract people who love, respect and appreciate your energy. Everything starts with how you feel about yourself. Start feeling worthy, valuable and deserving of receiving the best life has to offer. Be magnetic.”-positiveminds001.com. How do we begin to start self loving ourselves? You know me, I looked that up too. According to healthline.com, it said, first and foremost, we need to stop comparing yourself to others. “There is no point in comparing yourself to anyone else on the planet, because there’s only one you. Rather, focus on yourself and your journey. The shift of energy, alone, will help you feel free.” I often wonder what it would feel like to feel utter and complete freedom? Here’s one that is especially hard for me to break free from. “Don’t worry about others’ opinions.”

I’ve recently come to realize why other’s opinions of me matter so much. It’s because of the indoctrination I was faced with my entire life as a JW. I was taught that it’s always about everyone else. It was up to us good little witnesses to make sure everyone else was happy and that their needs were met, and meeting their needs, we were able to brainwash others into thinking that this religion was the only true one and the only one that had God’s favor. I was talking with Leslie today and I was telling her about my conversation with God these last couple of days and how I’m leaving things in his hands. You see, I’m being pulled into a different direction. I’ve had this strong need to be with my sons. They are from me and they are who I need to focus my attention on. I don’t want to lose out on anymore time with them.

This was a hard thing, not only for me to say outload to one of my best friends, but to even write here. I am worried about the opinions of those who will read this. “You can’t make everyone happy, so this is a waste of time and will only slow you down on your journey to being the best you:-healthline.com. I was told this morning by a little boy that he feels maybe my life would be better off if I was no longer around him and his family. Funny, he thinks my life would be better off. He didn’t say his would be better, but mine would be. I’m not sure what to think about that or how to even respond to it, so, I’ll leave it alone.

Self love also means allowing yourself to make mistakes. “The older you get, the more pressure you feel never to fail.”-healthline.com. I can say beyond any shadow of doubt, I’ve struggled with this too. My whole life I felt like I had to be perfect. I felt like I was climbing a mountain, to only fall and hit rock bottom. I was telling Leslie today, it’s taking courage, courage I never knew I had to put me into the mix of things and put my needs somewhat first. I still carry guilt for wanting certain things, but I have to learn that it’s okay and that even if I do make mistakes, I need to learn and grow from them. “Embrace your past. You’re constantly changing and growing from who you once were into who you are today and who you will be one day.”-Healthline.com. I have to forget the voice in my head that says I need to be perfect. “Make mistakes, lot’s of them! The lessons you’ll gain are priceless.”-healthline.com.

I’ve gained so much in the way of lessons. John is always telling me that lessons are God’s way of teaching you. Once you learn one lesson, you move onto the next. One lesson that I’m having the hardest time learning is how to find my worth. I had someone say to me today, if you weren’t with John, who would want you. I don’t know, I can’t answer that question. The question did trigger me beyond anything I can even begin to express. My ex husband said almost those same exact words. He said to me when I left, “if you aren’t with me, who would want you.” My mother used to say similar things to me. To this day, I still struggle with not being good enough. My heart tells me I deserve better, but my mind tells me that I don’t. My whole world was pulled out from under me today. People pleasing is the culprit.

Don’t be afraid to let go of toxic people. “Not everybody takes responsibility for the energy they put out into the world. If there’s someone who is bringing toxicity into your life and they won’t take responsibility for it, that might mean you need to step away from them. Don’t be afraid to do this. It’s liberating and important, even though it may be painful.”-Healthpoint.com. Remember this my dear friends and family, “protect your energy. It’s not rude or wrong to remove yourself from situations or the company of people who are draining you.”-healthpoint.com.

My heart hurts. My heart is broken. Please my dear friends and family, don’t ever take for granted those in your life that feed your energy well. Don’t forget those that are good. We never know when our last breath my be taken. I heard a motivational speaker say this morning. Today is the best day of your life, and it might just be your last day. Don’t forget until next time, Love Life++