Life as a Wife

Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing this fine Monday afternoon? How was your weekend? I hope it was a good one. Send me a message or comment and let me know what you are all up to these days. Things here are good. It was a busy weekend, at the same time, laid back. We had some friends over Friday evening for appetizers and some drinks. Laura introduced me to individual bottles of wine, yummy…. perfect for one person to enjoy. She had her own bottle and I had mine. Saturday John and I went to his parents for dinner, always nice seeing them and enjoying a quiet evening with dinner and margaritas. We topped off our weekend with dinner with Johns family at Brigantine’s. It was Garry’s birthday, so we got together for dinner and some yummy cake. It really was a great weekend.

I saw a post this morning that I really hit home with me. You see, even though my ex and I are cordial, he has been really good at laying on thick the guilt trip about separating all our assets fairly. He feels that the vacation home we owned together is solely his. Something about paying for it with “his” bonus money from work. I suppose that cancels out all the work and demo I did in fixing up the place. I imagine that all the sweat I put into decorating and painting, didn’t mean a thing. Oh, and let’s not forget, he feels since I haven’t lived in the home we bought together for the last four years, I’m not entitled to the current market value. I’m also not entitled to the rent that he earned from our rental property since he’s had to handle the minimal paper work on that house. His basic response to me is, “you didn’t work all that much during our marriage, so this is what I feel is fair for you to have.” Well, screw that!!!

“My husband works. I stay home. he makes enough money to pay the bills and gives me money to pay the bills and gives me money to get out of the house, 2 days a week (with the kids). It’s cheaper for him to work and me to stay home, then it is for us both to work and pay for day care. Everyday someone says to me, ‘what do you do all day?’ You don’t have a job? You see, I do work, I work my fucking ass off. I don’t get paid. I don’t get a lunch break. I don’t get to ‘go home’ after a long day. I feed the baby six times a day, bath time, laundry time, diaper changes every hour, rocking and swaying till my backs breaking and my arms are numb, vacuuming, moping, dusting, more laundry, more dishes, more cleaning, make bottles, tending to our animals, tending to every cry and tantrum thrown, making snacks, cleaning the crumbs, teaching crawling, talking, walking, ABC’s, counting. You see, I’m a full time teacher, cleaning lady, an animal caregiver, babysitter, and a cook, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I’m not the one paying the bills so I’m lazy, jobless, and I have it easy. Moms out there, you fucking rock!”- unknown. Oh, and FYI, I worked off and on through out my relationship with him and helped him do his job. I handled all his computer work.

Now I’m not here to bash anyone and I actually get the ignorance behind the concept of a wife staying home while hubby goes off to work, so her life is probably easier then his. I get it, but I hardly agree with it. I would like to simply set the record straight though for all you home moms and wives, life as a wife and mom is work. I loved being a home mom, don’t get me wrong, but it was work. I didn’t just sit home and eat bon bon’s. I worked my butt off. Breaks were far and few between. I’m not complaining. I loved taking care of my sons. I loved carpooling them to all their sporting events, which started at the early ages of four. T-ball was the first sport they both played. Practice twice a week and mini games every Saturday. They were both involved in every sports clinic. Basically, the clinics taught the concepts of every sport. I wanted them to have a well rounded feel for each and every sport. They both chose basketball in the end.

I looked up recently the value of a stay at home mom. Her salary, given all that she does, based upon Salary.com, Reveals Stay-at-Home Moms are Worth $162,581 a Year-Posted May 14, 2018,HRDive.com. So for me to hear that my ex used his bonus money to pay for the cabin, the house and investment properties., it put a bug in my butt. I do want to make it clean, I’m not looking to take advantage of anybody. I’m simply looking for what’s fair. Being told that what I did or didn’t do to contribute is only part of the issue. I feel like I am being valued at lesser than. I know where the mindset stems from, I get it, but I don’t agree with it. Being apart of a cult where the man is all that and we wives, we women, we are lesser than in the eyes of the church. I do put some of the blame on the hierarchy of the church. Instead of teaching we are lesser then, teach and emphasis the value of a wife and mother.

It is taught in the religion I left, that a woman’s roll is of value, as long as it falls in line with being submissive to her husband. I’ve come to learn during my escape from that religion that a woman’s role, a mother’s role in the family is just as important as the husbands role in working a secular job. Just because a woman stays home to raise her children and care for her home and family, doesn’t devalue her in any way. I feel for many women that staying home, some are made to feel like they aren’t as valuable as a woman that goes off to a job. I know this one young woman, she’s a mother of three young children. I’ve known her most of her life and she works harder then I ever did, and I worked my butt off. Her name is Kaylee and I am in awe of her. She has a side business and she does this business in between her mom and wife duties, in between laundry, cooking, cleaning and extracurricular activities her kiddos are involved in. She works a full time job as a wife and mother and works full time in making her business grow. She is the definition of a valuable and capable wife.

I doubt her husband has ever come home and told her that she is lazy. I doubt her husband has ever come home and said he is more valuable then her, simply because she spent the day by the pool being a lifeguard to her children ensuring their safety and he earned a paycheck. I can confidently say that he sees her worth just as she sees his.

Being a wife and mother is work. It’s a full time job and is not for everyone nor is it for the weak. God gave women the capability to nurture and care for her family and he gave men the desire to want to support and care for his family and both of their jobs and responsibilities are of equal importance. In today’s society, many moms work outside the home and this is where I applaud the husbands that recognize this and make the home and children responsibilities equally each of their responsibility. That is team work at its finest. That creates harmony within the home and it also makes each parent feel appreciated and valued.

Life as a wife and mother was the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I wouldn’t trade raising my sons for all the money in the world, but I deserve to be treated fairly. Just because I didn’t earn a paycheck at times, I made it possible for my husband at the time to go to work without a care in the world when it came to his home and family. I made it possible for him to get up, get dressed and go do what he needed to do to support me and his sons. He never had to lift a finger in our home and that’s how I showed my appreciation for him going to work everyday and financially supporting us.

What is the purpose of this rant? It’s me having a voice, for the first time in my life. It’s me being able to stand up for once and not only take credit for the job I did as a wife and mother, but it’s my way of applauding each and every woman out there that is walking in my footsteps as a home wife and mother. I know there are some men that take on that role while their wives work outside the home to support the family, and I applaud them too! A stay at home parent is no more less valuable then a parent that goes off to a job. We each have our own role within the family and they are equally important. My hat goes off to those families where both mom and dad work outside the home and where both mom and dad equally handle the kiddos and home chores. Those are the relationships and marriages that will stand strong during the storms.

“She is woman. She is mother, daughter, wife, sister. She is a person. She is strong, smart crafty. She is passionate, courageous, generous. Cooking barefoot is only one of several superpowers. She is action, emotion, devotion. She is hope, beauty, power. She has a brain and she knows how to use it. She gives you life. She gives you respect, love, gratitude. She believes in you. She will nurture you, fight for you. She deserves nothing less from you.”-I love being your wife quotes.

Women are many things and are capable of handling each and every role that she takes on, but there may come a time in her life when she has to walk away. That time may come when she feels worthless. Don’t let your words and actions make her feel lesser than. Don’t make her feel worthless, after all, your teaching your sons how to treat a woman and you’re teaching your daughters what to expect from a man. Love your children’s mother well. Love the father of your children the way you want him to love you. Never take each other for granted, you never know, someone else may come along and appreciate what you didn’t. “Best thing you could probably do as a father is make sure they see how much you love their mother.”-Matthew McConaughey.

To my ex, I was a damn good wife and mother. I deserve what’s fair. I don’t wish anything bad on anyone, nor do I want to hurt anyone or take what’s not mine, I simply want to be recognized for what I did do and you can do that by being fair. Nothing more, nothing less. My role meant something. I contributed to the success of not only you, but to the success of our children. Play fair, play nice, it’s that simple.

Well guys, it’s time for me to wrap this blog up and get to working on my book. I do hope you are all doing well and staying safe. Please don’t forget to let that someone special in your life know how much you love them and value them. Don’t take each other for granted, and please don’t forget, Love Life++