Rescue Me..

Happy Wednesday,

How are you all doing today? How’s life been treating you? Good I hope. All is well here in my little world. Still hoping to get the house in Murrieta. John got his application in for it today. It’s such a beautiful home. It has four bedrooms with a loft and three full bathrooms. There’s a huge deck off the master that over looks this amazing backyard. It’s surrounded by trees so you really don’t see your neighbors. Best part, it has a pool, spa and outdoor fireplace. The home is over 3100 SF. Plenty of room for everyone. Prayers please that the Universe will guide us where we need to be.

So, I received a message from a dear friend of mine the other day shortly after I posted my Prison blog. Jana sent me the song Rescue by singer/songwriter, Lauren Daigle. What an incredible song. Ms. Daigle says she wrote this song with someone in mind. In her behind the song story, she is quoted as saying, “I remember getting this vision about a girl who was caught in a really desperate situation. She was running to all of these vices in order to find just an element of hope or just something to keep her in the process of this desperation. And in came walking down the hall, Jesus. And instead of judging her for maybe some of the actions she had chosen that were really painful and difficult, He sat with her in the midst of it all. He didn’t try to fix her, He just was with her.” This brought me to the place of thinking about some pretty desperate times I’ve faced. It brought back memories of the times some of you have come to my aid and rescued me. I began thinking about all the times I’d be in flight mode, I then began to wonder about those in my life, so, I thought I’d ask, how many times have you felt so desperate that you would run towards anything to just feel better? I don’t how many times in my life, let alone over the last couple of years I’ve ran towards the familiar, however, once I reach it, it doesn’t bring me peace.

What I found with all my running was, that it wasn’t until I ran towards my creator that I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. It was when I would pour my heart out to him and beg him to rescue me, that’s when I felt the greatest sense of calm. In those moments, the moments when I would run, God always put into my life, a friend, a family member, even John to help me see clearly the situations I was facing. The feeling of desperation is one I know all too well. I know some of my closet and dearest friends know that feeling too. We’ve been there for each other. I think that’s why this song really resonated with me. I think Lauren Daiagle hit the mark dead on. She stated in her behind the scenes of her Rescue song “how could I articulate or emote something that would feel like a warm blanket.” Her goal seems to have been a desire to comfort and embrace people, especially when they have fallen into despair.

What a gift I have received in John, my family and friends. I felt like you were all apart of this song, writing it for me. “You are not hidden, there’s never been a moment you were forgotten. You are not hopeless, though you have been broken. Your innocents stolen, I hear you whisper underneath your breath. I hear your SOS, your SOS. I will send out an army to find you in the middle of the darkest night.” It truly amazes me how the Universe works. Each and every time, when I’ve felt at my very lowest, I receive a call, a text or some form of communication from someone I’m close to. They felt the need to simply, check in. At times, I’ve even been sent an email or letter from someone that contained a beautiful quote or short story. I have felt the warmth of my loved ones, like that of a calming blanket. The feeling is so indescribable the love I have felt, I hope you know what I mean.

“It’s true, I will rescue you. I will never stop marching to reach you. In the middle of the hardest fight, it’s true, I will rescue you.” I am forever grateful to all those in my life that have rescued me in ways, I’m not sure they even realize. These next words feel like John talking to me. “I will send out an army to find you. In the middle of the darkest night, it’s true, I will rescue you. There is no distance that cannot be covered, over and over, you’re not defenseless, I’ll be your armor.” Believe me when I tell you this, my fights lately have been the toughest I ever thought possible. Fighting against indoctrinations I believed to be true have been some of my most difficult battles. John certainly is, my knight in shinning armor, listening to me and helping me navigate my new life, my new normal.

I know I’ve been rescued, not only by family, friends and John, but I’ve been rescued by my faith in my creator and his son. I know I have an angel out there watching over me too, my daddy. I remember times, when daddy was alive, when I’d be confused about something I’d call him, and if he felt it was a “couples” issue, he’d listen, then he’d always tell me, John’s a good man, you need to talk to him about this. Last week on my visit to Carly’s, I was talking to her about some of my fears and though they had nothing to do with John and me, she still, gently told me, talk to John. She’s always reminding me of how lucky I am to have a man that not only is willing to talk, but wants to talk.

There’s been an ongoing battle between John and I, a friendly one, but basically, I’d tell him, “I love you more.” I finally gave up on saying that. He’s got me on this one. He’s right, we’ve had, or I’ve had so many people tell me they know John loves me, they can see it in the way he looks at me. These same people know I love John, however, I’ve never been told that they can see how much I love him by the way I look at him. I suppose in some ways, it scares me to take down that last layer of my brick wall I put up after my divorce. I’m working on it though. John is God’s answer to my prayers. I need to show him more how much I truly do love him.

I’ve been blessed to be rescued so many times over. My heavenly father has seen to it and he has reminded me of how many rescues I’ve had as of late. He directed my dear friend Jana to send me the rescue song. I thank them both for that. I have also been gifted recently a gratitude journal. It’s a wonderful way to start out each day, writing what I’m thankful for. It definitely helps me keep the negative thoughts at a distance. Even with all the chaos surrounding me, I find peace in those few moments of being able to write. It’s another form of rescuing me. My journal writing rescues me out of overthinking, out of negative thoughts and it helps keep me in the present. I can never repay all of you for all those rescues that you’ve showered me with, I just hope in my actions and the way I live my life moving forward, you will see my gratitude.

I am thankful for each and everyone of you. Thank you for being my champions, my guardians, my defenders and my hero’s. This journey is so much greater with you by my side. Everyone, take care out there and don’t forget, Love Life++