Nothing at All..

Happy Friday,

How is everyone doing this fine Friday evening? Gosh, it seem like forever since I’ve blogged. I’m feeling a bit of an emptiness by not staying connected to my blogging, so I thought I’d take some time and try and catch up and let everyone know what’s been happening. I think I mentioned that my niece and I were thinking of going to the cabin for a few days, however, we decided to do something a little different. We decided to spend a few days at Welk Resort in San Diego. This place is so nice. It’s really relaxing to just sit outside on the patio and watch the golfers as well as enjoy the peace and quiet of the sound of nothing at all. What are you all up to? Any fun plans for the weekend? How have you all been doing? Anything new to report? Not too much to report here. Carly and I took the girls swimming yesterday when we arrived and then again today. Tomorrow the girls have a recital, so she’ll take them back home for that and Lilly and I’ll hang out here and I’ll take her swimming and we’ll just enjoy some game time and hopefully some quiet time. I’ll be home Sunday and then I will for sure be setting up my crafting area. I was going to buy a new crafting station/table, however, my attorney wants me to pay her more money, so I suppose I have to handle important things first. I guess that’s what people refer to as adulting. Pay my bills and handle my responsibilities first, before splurging on a want, rather than a need.

I came across this quote by Ravenwolf, “She says nothing when she wants to say everything.”I was thinking about what this means to me and for me, it hits home. You see, this is how I lived my life for so long, and I’m here to tell you, that was a mistake. Why wasn’t I strong enough to find my voice sooner? Well, I suppose later is better then never at all. There’s a balance between knowing when to speak and when to shut up. That balance includes though, not being a doormat. All of our thoughts, feelings, needs and wants matter. We are equal and we are not lesser than. It’s okay to speak up. It’s okay to voice our opinions, likes and dislikes. That’s healthy, and it’s okay.

With Ravenwolf’s quotes, there’s generally a story that goes with it that I’d like to share with you. “It’s not her words that will ever tell her story. It’s the quiet storms behind her eyes that protect her truths. She may say very little sometimes because she says so much more in how she looks at you, the expressions of her soulful emotions. Her quiet resolve and smoldering intensity belie the solemn battle that she often fights inside. The worries, the fears. The insecurities and doubts that she faces every day. She wonders if she’s enough..If she is a good person and if people like her.Things she knows she shouldn’t care about..but can’t help but worry about. Her mirror shows her every imperfection that plagues her confidence. She just wants the simplest of things in the most complex ways: To be loved, to feel worthy, to be appreciated and respected. She fights battles that most never know about in ways they’ll never understand. Most of all, She’ll hide her silent angst beneath a happy smile and an upbeat laugh. She’ll cry quickly when no one is looking and wipe it away just as swiftly. Most will never know the hurt she buries just to be happy and find her joy. She’s strong, resilient and prideful – she doesn’t want anyone’s pity or judgement. She’s a mess more often than not, though most would never know. She wants to be understood though she doesn’t even understand herself sometimes. She knows she can be a disaster and she’s okay with that. She reminds herself often that she’s strong, she’s beautiful and she’s going to find her way. But if you ever look at her and wonder just who she is and what’s she thinking, start with everything she doesn’t say. After all, she says it best when she says nothing at all.”ravenwolf.

Powerful words. Words I live by and hope to live by with work. The most amazing thing I can tell you is that John knows me better then I think I even know myself at times. He might not know all the hurt I have buried deep inside, but he knows when I’m hurting and he is always there to comfort me and help me through the hard times. He is loving, compassionate and the most amazing man I know. He is everything I’ve ever dreamed of and then some. I tell him all the time I don’t even come close to deserving the kind of love he gives me. I actually crave his presence, his warm embrace and just being told by him how much he loves me. He is a beyond exemplary. He’s the perfect example of how a man should treat his wife, and though I’m not his wife, he treats me as his queen. I sometimes will ask him if he loves me. He says he must not be telling me enough, because I wouldn’t need to ask if he was. I know he loves me, that’s never even a question. I ask him, because for almost my entire life I was never told how much someone loved me and it made me feel like I was unworthy of being loved, so I think I just need to hear it from John for my own self reassurance.

Nothing at all compares to being loved by someone who loves you for simply being you. John finds the good in every day and dismisses the negative. I am blessed to have this chance at love. God answered my prayers. I sometimes feel like Job who lost everything, but then was rewarded in abundance. I lost my stable life, I changed the dynamics of my family and when I look back, there are things I could of absolutely of done different, but then, I wouldn’t of been rewarded with the most amazing love story of all time. When we say nothing at all, when he just comes up and puts his arms around me, you can feel the love escaping his body and consuming mine. It’s a love that I don’t know how to put into words, but I can say this, it truly is the greatest love story ever written.

Well my dear family and friends, I feel like I hadn’t said much at all the last few days and I wanted to reach out and just say hi and share a little more about how amazing freedom truly is. When you say nothing at all, that’s when you can see and hear how amazing life really is. I’m on the outside and I’m not looking in anymore. Thank you for sharing this time with me and reading my blog. I look forward to getting back on track over the next couple of days and sharing more of my journey with you. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++