Self Entitled…

Happy Sunday,

How is everyone doing this wonderful Sunday? All is well here. Not too much to report today. Thinking about where to start cleaning up the mess, but since I’m not in the mood to jump into cleaning just yet, I think I’ll just sit here and enjoy writing my blog. I know the title could be a bit of a shock, especially as we come off the wonderful Christmas holiday, but it’s because of what Christmas means to me that I thought I’d write about being self entitled. I hope you all don’t mind.

To me, Christmas isn’t about the getting of gifts, it’s about giving. It’s about family and being together, it’s about reflecting on what we do have and appreciating those in our lives. I know many celebrate Christmas for religious reasons and that is a wonderful reason too. For some, it’s a time to reflect on Christ and everything he’s done for us. I have a childhood friend that posted a really sweet video of her and her kiddos singing Happy Birthday to Jesus while the youngest daughter held a cupcake with a candle. She is teaching her children not to forget about the meaning of Christmas and what it means in her belief system. Whatever the reason you celebrate Christmas, it is and should be a wonderful time, a hopefully happy time and that’s why I thought I’d talk about being self entitled.

What does self entitled mean? According to aconsciousrethink.com, it says, “self-entitlement is when an individual perceives themselves as deserving of unearned privileges. These are the people who believe life owes them something; a reward, a measure of success, a particular standard of living. I’m sure many, if not all of you have heard of the magazine Highlights? I remember getting this from school when I was growing up and my kids received copies of it too. Many times you’d see them in the doctors offices, anyway, they define self entitled when it comes to kiddos as, “typically, entitled kids believe the world revolves around them, that things should be done for them, and that paths should be cleared for them without them putting in much effort. Signs of entitlement include not taking ‘no’ for an answer and acting helpless when they’re not.” In the same article, “the child who is self entitled tends to not be grateful for what he has, and finds it difficult to be content.” The same article does make the point that this is normal behavior for a toddler, however, as our children grow up, there are limits.

Whether we have a self entitled child or a partner who has the mind set that everything revolves around them, it does make for a challenging family life. Questions we need to ask ourselves, do we pave the way and make everything easier for our partner or child? If we are, then we are robbing them of reaching their “greatest potential.”-Ms. McCready. I know in my case, I am most likely guilty of, while raising my boys, of guarding them from failure. I didn’t want to see them suffer, so much of the time I would try and fix the problem. I should of let them fail a little more, but somehow, I did something right, because they are both successful and able to take care of themselves. They are happy and they do what they need to do to be happy. They don’t really rely on anyone else for this. I know that happiness is something we have to find for ourselves, nobody can make us happy, they an only contribute to our happiness. Happiness is our job alone, nobody else’s.

“Happiness means different things to different people, but psychologist, clergy, and philosophers all tend to see it as having something to do with empathy, gratefulness, generosity, the capacity for loving relationships, and a sense of pride in contributing to the well being of others. All of these attributes sit at the opposite pole from the characteristics of the entitled individual.”-Dr. Grosso. “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.”-Acts 20:35. I wonder if self entitled people find or are capable of finding more happiness in giving then receiving? I was married to a self entitled person. I actually contributed to his behavior. I made it worse, because I had the mindset that I needed to care for his every need and push my needs and wants to the back burner. I was subservient to him and in complete submission. I lived my life the way Watchtower said a capable wife should be (workbook, November 2016). I thought the more I did for him, he’d be happy. I thought if I could just do better, he’d be happy. I failed to realize that his happiness was his job, not mine. He needed to find what made him happy rather then relying on me to make him happy. The words of Jesus in Acts, show that, “unselfish love brings its own reward. Although there is much happiness in receiving love, there is even greater happiness in giving or showing love to others.”-pinterest.com.

What does happiness have to do with self entitlement? In my opinion, the two go hand in hand. If we are self entitled, we push true happiness to the back burner. If we are happy, we are generally finding joy in giving and doing, not in getting and receiving. I made a comment to John yesterday about someone that made a comment to me that their Christmas was okay, but they’ve had better. When I asked this person what was missing, they really didn’t have a reply per say, other then the gifts they received weren’t exactly what they wanted. I thought how sad that was. Not sad in that they didn’t receive everything they wanted, but sad that they feel that happiness is in what they get rather than in what they can give. So many people are dealing with the loss of a spouse, a child, a parent or dear friend this Christmas season. Many are alone, not by choice, but because Covid isn’t allowing us to be in gatherings, and the monetary gifts can’t mend their broken hearts, so when you hear someone didn’t receive everything they wanted, it’s sad. I hope they never have to experience loss, especially around the holiday season, because wanting a loved one back is something money can never buy.

As I was scrolling through Facebook this morning, I came across a post from my sister in law that really puts self entitlement into its proper perspective. It helps us or me appreciate what is important. The following story is by Living Country Style, and it goes like this. “My friend handed me a very old metal match box car today. Then he said I found this yesterday and it reminded me of a major life lesson. I held it in my hand and looked at it while he talked. He said, “when I was in elementary school, we did a Secret Santa in my class room at school. All the kids drew a name and then we exchanged presents the last day before Christmas break”. He said, “my parents went out and bought me a nice new toy to give to the child I had drawn. My mom wrapped it up and the kid loved the present that received it.” He then said, “I went and found my present from a boy in my class that I didn’t really know. It looked like it had been wrapped with news paper.” He said, “I opened it and it was that little car you are holding in your hand.” He said, “… but when he gave it to me it was dirty and looked well played with.” He said “I was mad I had given such a nice gift and he had put so little effort into his”. I felt cheated. He said, but later I learned the kid lived in a very run down shack. His mom was sick and his daddy had left them years before. He said they barely had enough money to have heat and food. He said “when I realized he had given me one of his only few toys, I felt ashamed for the way I treated him when I got the gift”. He said I only learned how poor he was after he quit coming to school and it we were told his mom had died and he had been sent to foster care. I never saw him again. He said I kept this little car all these years because I know it was the best present I have ever gotten. I thought about this story and looked at that little car sitting in my hand and I cried. How many times in my life have I been given something from someone and not appreciated it’s TRUE value. This kid had given with his heart when he had so little and it made me realize I need to always remember to never judge anything on the surface and always look deeper. I just wanted to put this story out there to you all in this season of giving.”

When we think about self entitlement, it’s never too late, in my opinion to some how come to appreciate more of what we have, rather then feeling we deserve more. For many of us who were raised in a society where Christmas wasn’t allowed, hopefully those of us who now celebrate this wonderful holiday do so with appreciation. Hopefully we are teaching our children and grandchildren how much of a privilege it is to just have the opportunity to spend time with family and friends. It is the season to give and receive, however, there truly is more happiness in giving to others, be it our time or a handmade gift, or maybe, just our time in the way of a visit or phone call, even a simple card. One thing we are all entitled to is to give love and receive love.

Well my dear family and friends, I do hope you are all well and staying safe. I appreciate you all taking your time to read my blog and write those comments. I love the journey I’m on, hiccups and hard times included. I slip, I fall and those stepping stones are my pathway to where I need to be. I hope you all enjoyed the day’s blog and until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++