Happy Monday Everyone,
How are you all doing this fine Monday? Shopping complete? Baking done? Ready for Christmas? Things are going well here. I enjoyed watching Christmas movies yesterday and making bread. I even worked on a bead project that will for sure be ready for next Christmas. I finally gave myself permission to not complete everything on my to do list for this year and I’ll take my time over the course of the year to enjoy making all kinds of wonderful gifts for those I love. Today is a cleaning day since tomorrow I need to venture up to Murrieta to get the last of my gifts.
This morning when I took my short walk, the song, “When I’m Gone” by Joey and Rory came on. It’s such a beautiful song about Joey saying goodbye. She lost her fight with cancer on March 4, 2016. When I sat down to write this blog the song came on again. The Universe for some reason wants me to hear this song. In this passionate song about leaving behind the one she loves, she tells him, life goes on and he needs to mourn, but he needs to get up and live his life. “A bright sunrise will contradict the heavy fog that weighs you down in spite of all the funeral songs.” Losing someone in death is the hardest experience I think we face and I can’t image what it would be like to lose your partner. “The birds will make their joyful sounds, you’ll wonder why the earth still moves. You’ll wonder how you’ll carry on.” Losing my dad this year, maybe that’s why dying is so much apart of my thinking. I’ve never feared death myself. I suppose that’s the one good thing I learned from being raised as a JW.
I was raised to believe that when you die, you basically are in God’s memory and you are just no more. “The grave, simply put, is where humans go when they die; it is a symbolic place or condition where any consciousness or activity ceases.”-August 2015 Watchtower. I suppose this teaching is why I don’t fear death. Even though I’m a POMO, I still don’t fear dying. I love how John thinks about life and death. He believes in reincarnation. He feels that each life we live is for us to learn lessons. Maybe we face a difficulty in this life to teach us in our next life how to be a better person. I’ve tried to find answers on why I had to lose my dad this year. I know he was sick and in constant pain, and I know wanting him to still be here is for me. I understand he’s no longer suffering, but that doesn’t make it easier when I just want to hear his voice. I’ve had conversations with my brother Jimmy about dad. Sometimes I just message Jimmy telling him that I miss dad. He always replies with, “me too.” Jimmy says he talks to dad most every day. I find that I talk to dad too and I feel his presence or maybe it’s just God putting his arms around me and giving me the capability to find comfort in my memories of dad.
Ecclesiastes 12:7, “and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.”-ESV. I feel dad’s spirit with me. If our spirit is returning to our creator, then we should be able to feel it? I think on the day we spread dad’s ashes we all felt his presence. We had a hard time releasing his ashes at first, and the calm ocean water became a bit snippy with us all. the waves started crashing against the rocks, almost like dad was telling us to get on with it, to let him go and live our lives. Once his ashes were scattered, a calm consumed the sea. It’s like dad was home. Life has gone on, and not a day goes by without missing him. “But you’ll be okay on that first day when I’m gone. Dusk will come with fireflies and whippoorwill and cricket’s call, and every star will take it’s place.”
The day we released dad in the ocean, we all felt his approval. We knew he was finally able to be out of pain. Saying good bye to my dad was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it was also a very freeing experience. There was sadness, there was laughter and there was the wondering how life would go on with the one person that linked all five of us together. It was at dad’s funeral that I realized that it’s okay to mourn. It’s okay to feel every unknown emotion that I would experience and still experience. I am thankful for the new life I’m living outside of Watchtower because I finally have permission to grieve the way we’re supposed to grieve and I’m also able to find refuge in my creator. Psalms 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
I remember a few JW memorial services I attended. Not very often were there may tears shed. I remember on more then one occasion, you’d see different Watchtower publications by the doors of wherever the memorial was being held. It was like the witnesses used the memorial service as a platform to preach. People are in such a sad state of mind, especially if they were close to the person who died and instead of being allowed to grieve the loss, they are encouraged to find happiness in the concept of seeing your loved ones again in a paradise earth. Don’t get me wrong, the concept of being able to be with my dad again is a wonderful hope, yet when we lose someone we love, be it a parent, spouse, partner, child, friend, whoever we have lost, grieving is all part of the process of coping and saying goodbye. Yet another concept during a JW memorial is one showing that death is the cost of sin. It’s almost like we are being told not to grieve because we have a hope and we also know that this is all happening because of the Adam and Eve story and Satan. I had a family member tell me upon hearing of my dad’s passing, “at least you know he’ll be resurrected.” I’m sorry, that brought no comfort, only more resentment. I’m selfish that way. I want my dad here with me, I need my dad. A resurrections hope, especially within hours of his passing brought me no comfort.
Death and saying goodbye to a loved one is such a difficult experience. In time, it does get, maybe not easier, but more bearable. No matter what our hope or belief system is, time does take some of the pain away. “As if sorrow were your friend, and this world so alien, but life will call with daffodils and morning glorious blue skies, you’ll think of me some memory and softly smile to your surprise. Even though you love me still, you will know where you belong. Just give it time, we’ll both be fine. When I’m gone.” Life goes on and at the same time, a little piece of our hearts dies along with our loved one. When a loved one passes on from this life, it’s a wonderful concept to find happiness in memories of them. I had an elder tell me when I lost my father in law that my husband at the time just needed to suck it up and move on. There was no compassion because this particular elder felt mourning was short lived because my ex should of found happiness in knowing he’ll see his dad again. “For most people, it is a long process and it can take years. After about two years, you are likely to know the places, events and occasions that trigger your emotions. As you start to know these, you will learn what helps you cope with them.”-sueryder.org.
While I’m sure for most, if not many of the JW’s, when they tell someone there is hope in seeing a loved one again they mean well, and there should never be an attitude of just moving on. Life goes on, but there is a process in finding a new normal without our loved one. If you have the hope of resurrection, wonderful. If that helps you cope, awesome. Judging or preaching at the rest of us who don’t find comfort in such teachings, let us be. Let us learn to cope, and please, let us grieve the way we need to grieve. Please don’t set a time limit on how long I’m allowed to cry for my dad. Don’t minimize my loss by saying things like, “at least now he has the hope of living forever by way of the resurrection.” because he wasn’t ever a JW. It’s not anyone’s place to say who is in God’s favor and who isn’t . Jesus died for all our sins, not just those that profess to be apart of an organization.
Life goes on and while everyday is an adjustment without my daddy, I’m finding a little comfort in talking to my brothers and hearing my dad in their voices. I miss him everyday and I enjoy being able to talk to him still. I feel him near me when I need him most. Life goes on without him, but he isn’t left behind. He is still, very much apart of my life. I feel him when I walk along the boardwalk. I feel him in the wind and breeze from the waves. I know he’s at peace and I miss him everyday.
Well my dear family and friends, I do hope you are all doing well. Thank you for reading today’s blog and please don’t forget to leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Until next time, don’t forget, love life++
Love Life with Dawna 