Happy Friday,
How is everyone doing this fine Friday evening? Good I hope? Wherever you are in the world, I do pray you and your families are safe and well. I am so beyond grateful and excited to have so many people reading my blog. It really gives me even more inspiration to continue with my writing. I love all the comments I am receiving. The love and support are so heartfelt and mean the world to me. Thank you.
I was looking through JW.org this morning. I came across the workbook the Witnesses use in their weekly meeting and stumbled across the one that was used this week. In the December 2020 workbook under the smaller printed title, “Treasures from God’s word” is the caption and the title is “Love for Jehovah Stronger then Love for Family.” The very first paragraph starts out by saying, “our loyalty to Jehovah can be greatly tested when a loved one is disfellowshipped. Jehovah’s instruction to Aaron provides a clear message to those who must cut off association with a disfellowshipped relative. Our love for Jehovah must be stronger than our love for unfaithful family members. In a Watchtower article, September 15, 1981 paragraph 11 it says, “a disfellowshipped person has been spiritually cut off from the congregation; the former spiritual ties have been completely severed. This is true even with respect to his relatives, including those within his immediate family circle. Thus, family members, while acknowledging family ties, will no longer have any spiritual fellowship with him.”
In 1981 the Watchtower seemed to be a little more compassionate, perhaps even lenient with those of their faith and disfellowshipped family members. In the 2015 study edition of the Watchtower dated April, things have certainly changed. Under the caption, “Why Disfellowshipping is a Loving Provision,” it says, “family members can show love for the congregation and the erring one by respecting the disfellowshipping decision. ‘He was still my son,’ Julian explains, ‘but his lifestyle had put up a barrier between us.’ With this being said, I can understand perhaps a parent asking their adult child to move out or at the very least not bring their lifestyle into the home. If the parents are JW’s and their child is simply not believing anymore or maybe has found some issues within the organization, he/she shouldn’t be forced to conform to a religious doctrine. I’ve always said that being a witness isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Just because someone doesn’t believe the way we do, they shouldn’t be cut off from all family ties. Taking it to the extreme of not even answering a phone call from your disfellowshipped child or parent? What is wrong with this organization? How is this even remotely loving? The lifestyle someone chooses to adopt or be apart of is one thing, but if they are respectful of your belief system, there is absolutely no reason to cut them off entirely or at. With such dramatic lifestyle differences, it’s more then likely you wouldn’t be doing a whole lot with each other anyway. Makes sense doesn’t it? A JW has their meetings, their personal Bible study, their service, their whatever the society is needing them to do, which is time consuming, these people probably won’t be free all the time to “associate” on the regular with someone whose lifestyle is not the same. To tell parents it’s a loving provision to not speak to your children who are grown and out of the house, simply because they are disfellowshipped is wrong.
I’m on the fence as to how I feel about someone being disfellowshipped and not being able to be talked to at a meeting. I lean towards that being extreme too. If someone has committed a “wrong doing” in the eyes of the organization, and they are disfellowshipped, but coming to meetings, why can’t they even be greeted with a simple hello, it’s nice to see you? That’s not associating, that’s showing love and compassion. It’s giving these people something to come back too. I’m not disfellowshipped, reproved or even disassociated, I faded away, but I’m still shunned by the majority of people. I’ve had those within the congregation see me and walk the other way to avoid me. I had one person who used to be one of my best friends go to extremes to avoid me. Her grandson and my nieces went to school together. I went to pick the girls up one day, pulled into a parking spot, not realizing it was her parked next to me. I turned off my car, put my window down and opened up a book I was reading. I glanced over and she noticed it was me. I waved and she turned on her car and pulled into another parking spot a few slots over. I again saw this same “friend” at the school, this time near the classroom and she literally walked around the building so she wouldn’t have to walk next to me. I only know this because we ended up at the same location at the same time.
The April 2015 study addition of Watchtower goes onto say this, “all in the congregation can show principled love by avoiding contact and conversation with a disfellowshipped person. They thus reinforce the discipline that Jehovah has given through the elders. Furthermore, they can give extra love and support to the family of the disfellowshipped one who suffer considerably and who should not be made to feel that they too are excluded from association with fellow believers. Watchtower uses 1 Corinthians 5:11 to justify this. “But now I am writing you to stop keeping company with anyone called brother who is sexually immoral or a greedy person, or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard, or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man.”-NWT. My question to this very scripture is this, what if you simply don’t believe anymore? What if you don’t agree with certain teachings and doctrines? What if you are still living a “moral” life? Me personally, I am not a drunkard, nor an idolater, reviler and I’m not sexually immoral, I just don’t agree with certain teachings, so why am I shunned? Why am I bad association when I don’t talk to other JW’s about the religion on any negative level?
I suppose I follow into the next category though, that is according to Watchtower. The second scripture they use to support their not associating with anyone outside their faith is this, 2 John 1:10-11, ” If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your homes, or say a greeting to him. For the one who says a greeting to him is a sharer in his wicked works.”-NWT. I haven’t looked at the entire context of either scripture, but the little bit I did look at regarding 2 John in the prior verses, it was talking about denying Christ coming in the flesh. Most people that I know, including myself that have left the “truth”, we don’t deny Christ, so why am I shunned? The only thing I’m guilty of is not sharing in Watchtower “truth” anymore.
Shunning, disfellowshipping is a not a loving provision, it breaks families apart, it does so much damage. Watchtower claimed in 1981 that a disfellowshipped person was not allowed to talk about spiritual matters with their family members. In 2015 Watchtower said to avoid conversation and contact with disfellowshipped people, including family and in their recent workbook, they say it’s a loving provision from God, to not associate with anyone disfellowshipped or who has disassociated himself. They claim this is a protection to the congregation. “Disfellowshipping protects the congregation and disciplines unrepentant wrongdoers. When we support such discipline from Jehovah, we show love. We show love for Jehovah’s reputation and standard of holiness. We also show love for the person who was disfellowshipped. We interfere with Jehovah’s discipline if we associate with a disfellowshipped person or with one who has disassociated himself.” –Workbook December 2020.
I have been respectful of family members still in the organization. I don’t try and talk them out of their belief system, I stay away from their conversations about the “truth”, and when it does come up, I listen respectfully, yet I am still shunned by the majority. I am considered bad association. I even had an older “sister” tell my niece, who is only 9 that I am like the wife of Lot, dead. The Witnesses use double talk, they claim to be loving, yet they are willing to shun their own children, parents, grandchildren if they choose to not follow Watchtower. They show videos showing parents not even accepting the phone call of their grown children if they are disfellowshipped. What if it was a matter of life and death for that child and the parent, being loyal to Watchtower, never got to say their final goodbye?
My dear friends, family and readers, please know that God is a God of love. Jesus died for our sins and though we need not go out and commit gross sins intentionally, we are forgiven by the ransom of Jesus. Disfellowshipping didn’t even come into play until the 1950’s with Watchtower. No where in the Bible does it say to shun, disfellowship or avoid all contact with your own family members. In my opinion, doing so, is the most unloving thing family can do to each other. This is just my thought, my opinion.
This is such a tender subject. We already see so much division in society, especially these days with Covid, the elections, and other protests that have gone on recently, why would we want to bring divisions into our homes and families? Why would we, how could we just not even answer the call of our children, grown or not? How could we shun someone for not believing like us anymore? Why does Watchtower teach love and forgiveness then hand down the most in humane sentences on people? Double talk is how. What are your thoughts?
Please leave me a comment and thank you for your time in reading this blog and other I have written. It is truly is with the most heartfelt appreciation that I send you my sincere thanks for being with me on this journey and for all the feed back I receive. Until next time, Love Life++
Love Life with Dawna 