Real Relationships..

Happy Tuesday,

How is everyone doing this fine Tuesday afternoon? All is well here. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with the mess in the house, it’s almost like, where do I start? I just need to start and everything will fall into place. I have so much running through my head of what I want to to, need to do and hope to do. I think if I could let you into my head you’d see just how crazy it is in there. I’m sure many of you can relate to that feeling? I wanted to share with you guys, my blog yesterday went into 12 different countries, including the U.S. I can’t tell you how grateful I feel to have people all over the world reading my blog and how inspired I am to keep writing. I hope to have a little me time this weekend to work on my book. My dear friend Leslie said I can come visit her and I am so excited and grateful to her for that. Her new home has the most incredible views and I can so picture myself writing there and being inspired.

Today I thought I’d talk a little bit about relationships. John suggested that I write about women and relationships. He said that he thought I could make a difference in the lives of women that have never felt they had a voice or that felt worthless. John said that because I’ve expressed to him the way I felt most of my life and still feel, that maybe I can encourage someone with my story. I’ve been thinking about what he said and when we were talking, it made sense to write about relationships. I’m not sure where this relationship blog will take us, so I’ll let the keys guide me through my thoughts and hopefully, it’ll make sense. There is a huge and never ending subject matter regarding the topic. We all have relationships within our lives. We have a spouse, a partner, children, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, co workers, neighbors, pets, even our favorite checker at the supermarket. Relationships are all around us.

It’s interesting how wonderful a relationship can be and it’s amazing how a bad relationship can affect our every aspect of life. According to psychalive.org, “good relationships help people live longer, deal with stress better, have healthier habits, and have stronger resistance to cold. Humans are social beings, and the quality of our relationships affects our mental, emotional and physical health. I know personally, without those in my life that have been there for me, especially over the last couple of years, the stress in my life would of been something I couldn’t of faced, especially for this long.

It’s funny, thinking back to the belief system I had for over 4 decades regarding friendships and relationships in general, I was shocked to have certain friends and family members completely fade out of my life, or just disappear out of my life when my thinking started to change and especially when my life was turned upside down and inside out. I was always taught that a friend is someone that “sticks closer than a brother.”-Proverbs 18:24. You see, being raised as a Jehovah’s witness, we had actual council on friendships and relationships. I’m sure many other, if not all religions have council on that subject.

In the young people ask book under the subject, “how to make real friends”, it defines real friendship this way. It says, “The Bible describes a friend as someone who ‘sticks closer than a brother.’ Prov. 18:24. Is that the kind of friend you want? Is that the kind of friend you are?” I always wanted to be the kind of friend I wanted someone to be to me. The funny thing is, most of those that were friends within the organization, dumped me and flushed me down the toilet so fast that my head is still spinning. The couple that have stood by me have the mind set that because of the verbal, mental and spiritual abuse I suffered that if they are kind to me then I’ll want to return to Jehovah. I never left my relationship with God. I just don’t believe he is a vengeful God as taught by the organization.

The same article goes onto say, “Real friendship involves more then just keeping in touch. It requires that you and your friend display love, empathy, patience, and forgiveness.” I absolutely agree with this, however, while this is so very true, there are other publications that show this to be conditional. In the 2013 study edition of Watchtower under the heading, “Beware of the intentions of the heart”, page 24, it talks about our choice of associates. Here is the condition of friendship or relationships with those outside the faith, even those within if they aren’t living up to “Bible” standards. The paragraph says, “of course, some contact with unbelievers, such as at school, at work and when sharing in the ministry is unavoidable. It is quite another matter, though, to socialize with them, even cultivating close friendships with them. Do we justify such association by saying that they have many good qualities? ‘Do not be mislead, bad association spoil useful habits- 1 Cor. 15:33. Just a small amount of pollution can contaminate clean water, friendship with those who do not practice godly devotion can contaminate our spirituality and lead us into adopting world viewpoints, dress and conduct.”

While the council isn’t bad in itself, it is the organizations way of telling you not to associate with those outside the faith and to be selective with those within it. You see, we want to only associate with those totally immersed within the faith as this will protect us from developing thoughts that could sway us away or even wake us up. The organization defines “worldly people” as ‘any person not a Jehovah’s Witness, alienated from god and hence, controlled by the devil.” In the study edition of Watchtower, July 2018, under the heading, “who is on Jehovah’s side,: paragraph 11 says this. “Read 1 Corinthians 15:33. Most people have some good qualities, and may outside the congregation do not engage in blatant misconduct. If that is true of your acquaintances, can you assume they are good associations?” First, it totally deviates away from saying “friends” and resorts to calling them “acquaintances.” I personally have friends and have had friends outside the organization and I can tell you from my own personal experience, when things went totally out of my control in life, when I was injured, it was my “worldly” friends and family that stepped up to help me. I was shunned by those in the congregation because at that time, I was inactive. The paragraph goes onto talk further about our associates. It says to ask yourself these questions. “What effect their companionship will have on your relationship with Jehovah. Will they improve it? What is in their heart? For example, are their conversations almost exclusively about fashion, money, gadgets, entertainment or material pursuits? If you realize that your associates pose a threat to your good standing with Jehovah, act decisively by limiting and if necessary ending such friendships.”

Those of us raised or who were apart of the organization know that people not in the “truth” don’t talk about Jehovah. We know people outside the organization will ask questions about or faith and if they pose a question we can’t answer, we then shy away from them because it’s been engrained into us that they are talking against the organization, they are argumentative, when in reality, they are only a treat to us because they are causing us to use our “critical thinking” skills, of which many of us have either suppressed or don’t have. This isn’t because we can’t think, it’s because we have been so brainwashed to think only Watchtower way.

Relationships are what we make them to be. Of course we want to associate with people who have the same moral compass as us. We want people in our lives that will help make us better, that goes for any relationship. Just because they don’t share our faith doesn’t make them a bad person. In my opinion, it’s amazing to talk to people of different faiths, and who come from different upbringings and from different walks of life. It’s almost like reading a new book every time you are with them. It gives me a well rounded view from other peoples perspectives. It’s a gift and I think that’s why God created us to be individuals and not Watchtower robots.

I agree, we can all be influenced by others. We can all be led astray if we aren’t careful, but most people aren’t out to intentionally hurt us. We might not see things the same way, and sometimes that won’t allow for a close relationship, but that’s okay. It’s okay if we chose to not have certain people in our lives. ” Don’t regret knowing the people who came into your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad ones give you experience. The worst ones give you lessons and the best people give you memories.”-quotesgram.com. While not everyone who has come into our lives is good, not everyone is bad. It’s a gift to learn from another persons viewpoint. It’s okay to think different and not all are “bad association.” Embrace those that teach us lessons and value those that stand by you, no matter how you worship God. I value those “worldly” friends that continue to teach me about unconditional love in our friendship.

Well my dear family, friends and new readers, thank you again for you taking time out of your day to read my blog. Please leave me a comment or send me a text and let me know what you think. Hope you can join me again when we continue our chat on all kinds of relationships. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++