Happy Friday,
How is everyone doing this fine Friday evening? Good I hope. All is well here. Had to make a two hour round trip to Temecula to pick up my disability paper work and get that sent in. What an amazing Doctor I have. I explained to him how hard it is for me to keep doing the paper work every other month and paying the $25.00 fee for his office to fill it out, so he extended me out for the six month maximum he’s allowed to do and said to keep working on my permanent disability as he doesn’t feel I’ll ever be in a place to go back to any type of work, other then doing my own thing from home. I was able to do a telemedicine call with him and thankfully, my next appointment is set up in the same way. Now, to take a little walk to clear my head and then it’ll be time to get working on my art projects. Oh, but first, let’s get to bloggin’.
I was reading through some motivational quotes, speeches and such this morning before going to the doctor and I came across one I thought was worth sharing. It seems to go along with some of my previous posts. “Every person who has ‘pushed me to my limit’, gave me a gift. They made me aware of my options. They showed me I could choose to be done with the ones who drain me. That I could choose not to settle for arguments as the only attempts at communication. That I could choose to love the real way, not just the ‘it’s whatever’ way. I’ve learned that while you can show a person something special, you can’t force them to appreciate it. We only get but so many chances. Don’t ever underestimate the actions of a persons that’s fed up. Last chances don’t come with warnings.”-Rob Hill. You see, I may have even settled for an argument here or there, at least that would of been communication of some sorts. More importantly, it would of allowed me a voice.
I suppose I agree with it being a gift that when pushed to my limits I learned I had a choice, though at the time I didn’t consider it a gift. I considered it having no other option than to take the course I did. I do appreciate the being able to choose to love the real way instead of the whatever way. The term whatever is slang. According to Wikipedia, “Whatever is a slang term meaning, ‘whatever you say,’ ‘I don’t care what you say,’ or ‘what will be will be.’ The term is used either to dismiss a previous statement and express indifference or in affirmation of a previous statement as, ‘whatever will be will be.'” For the first time I can put what it felt like to tell someone you love them and they simply reply with, “thank you.” In my mind, and hearing that over and over and over again with no ditto, or you too or anything other than thank you, I was hearing, “whatever.” Thank you was almost like what I had to say was dismissed, especially when that was the only thing said to reciprocate my love.
I know we’ve talked about unconditional love, and I’ve had to readjust my mind set. You see, I’ve always thought I loved unconditionally, but looking back, I had a condition. I wanted to hear I was loved. I wanted to be told, I love you. I expected that, especially after years of being with someone. Thank you is what you say to someone that brings you your dinner or passes you the gravy, it is not meant to be said as the only response to being told you are loved. I have learned the lesson that no matter how hard you try, sometimes, you can give it your all and it’s still not enough. You can’t make someone appreciate you. You can show that special someone in your life that they are your world, they matter and they have your heart, but that doesn’t mean they will appreciate your efforts nor your love.
I suppose at the end of the day, I was fed up. I didn’t feel that I was, I felt more like I was worthless and broken. Either way, my exit came without warning I suppose. I mean the signs were there, things were said, and no action was taken to help fix the situation, so one day, I got up the courage to leave, and I did. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You see, without warning, my family no longer existed. Without warning, my life changed on so many levels. Without warning, someone pretty amazing picked up the broken pieces and has shown me what it’s like to be loved. I remember praying to God and begging him to let me know what love felt like, what it would be like to be loved for simply being me, and without notice, without warning, John entered my life and showed me what love feels like. He doesn’t just listen to my words, he listens to the way I use my words, my tone, the way my body moves when we talk, he looks into my eyes and sees my inner soul. He watches my expressions and he always says, I can hear everything you say without words. He has a clue, and that’s by choice.
Without warning, a woman wants those good morning or goodnight texts. Without warning, she wants a hug from behind, deep and long conversations, maybe even take a picture with her. Without warning a woman wants little surprises. She wants to know why you love her. She wants to be made your priority. A woman wants to cuddle and watch TV with you, and without warning, she wants random kisses, she wants the truth. Without warning she can be lost in the blink of an eye. Without warning, that may be your last chance. Pay attention to each other. If you truly love that person who tells you they love you, has spent much of their life with you, then don’t take them for granted. Don’t show them they want options. Choose to love the “real” way instead of the “whatever” way. Appreciative what you have, and don’t underestimate their actions as they begin to show you the signs of being fed up. Chances are warnings, but the last one, comes with no warning.
I hope never to go through letting it end again. I hope one day he can look back at what we had and realize what he did to let it end. Without warning, life was meant to change. “I focused so much on what I wanted, that I lost sight of what I deserved.”-curiano.com. I wanted the forever, I wanted the fairytale ending, so much that I lost me in the process. Without warning, God answered my prayers and helped me move forward. “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”-Joseph Campbell. I hope you never get so fed up that you have no choice but to walk away.
A last chance came and went, without warning. There were many signs leading to that very last chance, but they were never taken serious, they were disregarded, they weren’t appreciated. We’ve moved on, and I hope nothing but love and happiness for us all. Thank you everyone for reading and for the texts and comments you send my way. Take care of yourselves and don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++
Love Life with Dawna 