Trust

Happy Monday

How is everyone doing this fine Monday? Everything is going well here. Today is going to be a cleaning day and I need to finish up a few projects and then maybe get some of my decorations out. Yesterday was a nice day. Made a nice turkey dinner. Well, John and Grant made the turkey. Grant wanted to try a new technique, or at least it’s new to me. Spatchcocking. Basically, you take the turkey spine out and smash the bird so it’s basically flat. You butter him up, add your spices and lay him flat on a baking sheet that has a little lip and let him rest for a while to soak up some of the butter and spices, then throw him in the oven. It takes only about an hour and a half to cook. The turkey was tender and moist for the most part. I’m not saying I wouldn’t cook it like this again, but I do prefer my method.

I thought I’d touch on the subject of trust today. We know that trust is defined as “to have confidence, faith or hope in someone or something.”-yourdictionary.com. Have you ever trusted someone so much that you’d share anything with them? Have you ever had someone betray that trust? What did you feel when the betrayal happened? Anger? Resentment? Hurt? Sadness? Fear perhaps? Did you know that when you are betrayed it is in a sense a form of trauma? According to relationalrecovery.com, “betrayal trauma makes you feel like you are losing your mind. As if that is not enough, when betrayal occurs, your brain begins to operate in a different way. The fear center fires up and stays fired up, creating hyper vigilance, restlessness, anxiety and a sense of being perpetually on guard.”

I know when I’ve been betrayed I go into panic mode. I then get angry, then I feel hurt, and finally sad. I try and think back on conversations and I try and remember what exactly was said. Where am I going with all this? What happened to make me think of trust? You see, I told someone something and I asked her not to say anything. It’s not the end of the world that she did, but the point is, I asked her not to say anything, and she did. She not only said something, she embellished it. Funny, I even had a conversation with her not long ago and told her that when she talks, even if she means no harm, things always get blown out of proportion. She didn’t agree. I told her with the dynamics of certain people she talks to it is a proven fact that they all talk. It’s like being back in elementary school playing telephone. By the time it gets back to you it’s not even close to what was said. Her response to that was she agreed. I told her how I don’t trust this one particular person at all that she talks to. I asked her specifically not to share my business with this woman. She told me she hardly talks to her and that she promised she wouldn’t. I think in the back of my mind I was hoping that finally I could have a relationship with this person, so I trusted her with the smallest piece of information. I think maybe I was testing her. Which is a horrible thing to do.

When you are friends with someone, if you choose to allow someone into your world, your inner circle or whatever you want to call it, there should be not testing of one another. I was wrong for that. There should be trust as the very foundation and if or when it is broken then you can choose to continue on as friends or merely acquaintances at that point. There’s a saying that goes something like this, if you don’t want people knowing your business, then don’t tell anyone. I agree, it was my bad for confiding in someone that I know enjoys “talking”. Relationships are about trust, if you have to test it, it’s time to move on.

With that being said, when we have trust broken by someone or we break someone’s trust, the very stability of the relationship is damaged. Sometimes, I believe trust is broken unintentionally. Let’s face it, we all have a slip of the tongue every once in awhile and when that happens, we feel horrible and we do everything we can to make sure that our friend or partner knows how bad we feel and we do what we can to resolve the issue. That may be the case with the person who talked about me. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and I’ll have my guard up to some degree.

I’m glad I came across so much information on trust. You see, I’ve tried to explain why I say I can’t trust this one particular person that was in my life. I trusted this person more then any other person and he did chose to share some of my feelings and secrets with others, but that wasn’t the core of why my trust was broken with him. In an article I was reading in brokentrust.com, it finally put into words my feelings. It said, “trust is broken when a partner puts his or her own needs and desires ahead of what’s best for you or your relationship. Trust is also damaged when partners break their promises or violate important expectations. I think this sums it up on so many different levels. First, trust is broken when you put yourself, your own needs and desires ahead of what’s best for your relationship. Notice it didn’t say putting your needs and desires on the back burner as though they don’t matter and only putting your partners needs first, it says putting your desires and wants ahead of what’s best for your relationship. To me this means being so selfish that it’s all about you. There is no consideration or thought given to what’s in the best interest of your partner, the one you claim to love and what’s in the best interest of your relationship.

It’s funny, when it came to expectations, I always had this mind set that I had to meet expectations in the relationship. I was too weak or never felt worthy to be able to have expectations on him. I think I felt if I met all his expectations I would be good enough and be worthy of certain things. He not only put his needs first, I put his needs first and in the mix of everything, trust was broken. Expectations failed. I trusted someone entirely with everything, including my heart and that trust was broken, shattered into a million pieces, to never be put back together again. Now I’m a huge fan of Tony Robbins, and according to him, the key to any romantic relationship is to give to your partner without expectations of receiving. When you give without demanding anything in return, you begin to see things from your partners perspective. I suppose, sometimes, some of us are too self consumed to see things from our partners perspective, and isn’t that so very sad.

When we open ourselves up to our partners perspective, according to Tony Robbins, “you are able to make a shift in the negative thought cycle. You gain empathetic behavior and acknowledgments for your partners pain. With empathy you gain new feelings of understanding, openness and trust. The wonderful thing is, when you see things from your partners perspective, their mind set changes too. When your partner can trust you and you display these qualities, it allows them to experience new and happier feelings and emotions. There is a new pattern of positive thoughts about how much you are cared for by your partner. This then allows for you to be more grateful towards your partner. This allows the trust to become so engrained in your relationship that it is nearly impossible to break.

I found out that someone I used to be friends with left her husband of over 20 years. She trusted him with her heart and he broke that trust by never checking in to make sure she was emotionally, spiritually and physically okay. She felt he was very demanding of her and he took for granted her love. Money and business became so important to him that he didn’t pay any attention to her slipping away into a darkness that she can’t return from. Instead of being accountable for his actions, he continues to blame her for the failed relationship. Tony Robbins goes on to say in his article at TonyRobbins.com/Love-relationships, “with each accountable, truthful, and caring word and gesture, wounds can heal and mutual trust can grown.” It starts with us needing to shift our efforts from our own selfish negative cycle and try and understand the other’s perspective.

Trust grows and accelerates when we acknowledge that the other persons feelings are real. If we have the courage to speak to our partner with words of peace and empathy, words from our heart, our relationships will be built on trust and will be stronger then ever. We have the option to create these kinds of relationships not only with or partners, but with our friends. If we take the time to see things from their perspectives, we’ll be more apt to maybe not break the bonds of trust. I know this quote is applying mostly to the romantic relationships, however, I think it can apply to friendships as well. “A relationship never dies a natural death…. They are murdered by ego, attitude and ignorance.”-lovethispic.com.

In my opinion, the best way to keep your relationships strong are to build them on trust and the best way to continue doing this is by seeing things from the other persons perspective. Leave our egos at the door, adjust our attitudes and remember, ignorance may be bliss, but it really isn’t an excuse. Trust can make our relationships stronger, and without it, will destroy those very relationships. “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.”-Buddha. Something to think about.

I want to thank those that I have put so much trust in for keeping me safe. For those that have broken my trust, I forgive you, and I hope only happiness and love for you and maybe in time, we can rebuild a trusting relationship. I hope for those whose trust I may have broken, I hope you can find forgiveness in your heart and as we move forward in this journey of life, I hope we can mend any and all hurt. I trust that we can find happiness in memories shared.

Well my dear family, friends and readers, I just want to say, thank you for all your love and support and for helping me and being on this amazing journey by my side. Please stay safe and take care of yourself and continue to build upon those relationships you have in this life. See things from someone else’s perspective and don’t forget, Love Life++