Depression

Happy Friday,

How is everyone doing this fine Friday evening? Good I hope. What are your plans for the weekend? All is good here. I enjoyed some quiet time on the bay and boardwalk this afternoon. That’s always so good for me. My brother was back in the hospital and I needed to keep my mind busy so as not to become too consumed with worry. I know he’s a fighter so I know he’ll be okay. I was able to talk to him yesterday for a bit which was a good thing. The hardest thing is he’s so far away and I can’t be there with him, but I finally did hear from him late this afternoon and while he is tired, he is doing well.

I was thinking about something that seems to be on the rise, especially with all this Covid crazy happening in the world. Depression and anxiety. I’ve talked to a few people lately who when you ask how they are, they say they are exhausted or I’m tired. I asked a friend why she felt so exhausted the other day. She just had this sense of ugh. She said she just feels spent and that she couldn’t really explain why she was feeling blah. We talked for awhile and I’m sure like so many others who are learning a new normal during all this craziness, like them, she is feeling depressed. Talking with her stirred up those emotions within me too, the ones I’m working so hard on suppressing. Funny, last week while I was walking on the boardwalk I was talking to my brother and he said I sounded happy. Something he hasn’t heard in a long time from me. He says he knows I’m happy, but he also knows there’s this cloud that looms over me. With all the medical stuff and the court things and life in general with the undone things in my life, he said he was glad to hear what he called a sense of cheer in my voice.

I suppose it was a good day, a really good day. I’ve been working on retraining my mind set to think of the good things rather then dwelling in the negative and hard things. Depression and anxiety affect us all in one way or another and at some point in our lives. I think it’s more common then we want to admit. You see, admitting you suffer from depression or some form of mental problem, can and is much of the time taboo. People automatically shy away from those kind of topics. Mental health problems and sickness should be treated like any other problem or health issue. It shouldn’t be shied away from. I looked up why mental health is taboo to so many people and I think it’s worth talking about. According to dandc.eu, “what causes mental disorders is not fully understood.” I suppose for many, when you tell them you have a mental condition such as depression, panic attacks, bipolar or other mental issues, if they don’t or have never experienced those for themselves, they can’t relate. I know when I was told I suffer from a disorder, I was told that those close to me in my own family unit didn’t believe it. I was told to snap out of certain behaviors and I was told I liked the attention. Well, I’m here to tell you a little bit about my experience and what I struggle with. Before I do though, let me say, I’m not sharing with you because I want pity or I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m simply trying to shed light on the subject and trying to make people aware of this global problem.

While I’m not a doctor, therapist or any type of health care worker, I am a patient within the medical field. I have been in therapy and I continue to fight for my own health, both psychical and mental. I spent over four months in an intensive outpatient behavioral program. I suffered from extreme depression. The break up of my marriage, the car accident and medical issues that have followed and continue to plague me. The loss of my job, the loss of three cousins, and my dad, my religion and a new family dynamic with my sons. All this within the last three years. I hit the wall and I’ve felt the darkness of depression. So who or what defines “normal and what is “crazy?”

Dandc.eu asks the question, “where is the line between ‘different’ and ‘sick’? I suppose my question would be, couldn’t being different also be classified as being sick? I mean, if a person suffers from depression or some other mental illness, but they are getting treatment and help, couldn’t their personality still be considered different, while at the same time being classified as sick? Dandc.eu says this. “How people judge human behavior depends very much on their own personal background. Culture and language matter, and so do social norms and values. This is particularly important when assessing mental health: experts speak of a disorder when behavior deviates significantly from the norm. It is very hard to find a definition shared by everyone.” The same article went on to say, “in order to be clinically relevant, a mental problem must be associated with suffering, such as physical pain, or with impairment, for example and inability to work. Deviation from social norms in itself is not what matters.” Basically, mental disorders or illness are not fully understood.

In the article I was reading by dandc.eu, I found this point rather interesting. It said, “several factors matter, including genetics, social context, family backgrounds and stress, even experiences or severe crises do not necessarily lead to lasting psychological suffering, depending on how resilient affected persons are.” Speaking from my own personal experience, I honestly feel I am pretty resilient, however, things finally all started piling up, all at once and I shut down. Even now, I don’t drive, yet even being a passenger in the car, there are times that I literally have a panic attack. Not because of the person I’m with, but because of flashbacks and other people’s driving. I feel the affects of my mental state and the need to shut down at times isn’t because I’m not resilient, it’s because there’s something bigger happening in my mind that I can’t control, nor can I explain. Speaking of which, the article continued by saying, “eating disorders are a good example of cultural determinants. Mostly young women in western societies are affected. Anxiety disorders, however, are particularly common in stressful environments that are marked, for example, by work pressure, poverty, violence or living in crowded urban spaces. Substance abuse, of course, is related to these things too.”

I know for me, therapy helped, and I may need it again and again over the course of my life. Dandc.eu says, “those that suffer mental illnesses all too often are unable to deal with everyday tasks. They underperform in terms of education, work and social life. WHO states: ‘there is no health without mental health.’ What most of us want is to see and be with friends and family, be able accomplish even the simplest of tasks, being productive. We want to feel and be connected to others. We want to get out of bed and we want to live life. This is what depression wants. To isolate and stay away from others. Depression wants to do nothing and to feel numb. It tricks our minds into thinking we aren’t safe, even when there is no threat. It wants to just curl up and stay in bed and much of the time, it simply wants to die and not exist anymore. (Notes from the Real Depression Project). The struggle is real and in my opinion, it takes a lot of resilience to keep going.

“You are strong, you are beautiful, you are resilient. You are loved, you are capable and you are not weak. You are not defeated, you are not weird, you are not a lost cause. You are not different.”-RealAnxietyMan. Depression is hard. With so much crazy going on in the world I think more and more people are feeling the overwhelming sense of numbness. I write this blog and I’m open about who I am, who I’ve been and who I hope to become, in hopes that it will help, even just one person. I wish I would of had the forum to be able to reach out and simply read or listen to someone else’s story, struggles and journey. Maybe I wouldn’t of felt so alone.

People who suffer from any type of mental health problem have a real battle on their hands. They have to face the taboo that surrounds it. They have to try and cope with it and they have to try and be “normal”. The worst part about depression and other mental disorders is that you look fine on the outside, yet you struggle on the inside. Explaining it is difficult because many times, you don’t know what to say. You don’t understand it yourself. You don’t understand why you think and feel a certain way and you don’t understand why you can’t just do what many tell you to do and that is, “why can’t you just be happy?” The one that used to hurt the most was, “what do you have to be so sad about, you have the greatest life.” The one that was never answered when I was asked was, “how long do you think you’ll be this way?” Being met with anger made it worse.

We all fight some battle. We all face some difficulty in this life. Being judged, or judging others, isn’t our place to do so and it certainly doesn’t help anyone. Instead, maybe just let someone know you care and are there to listen to them. Tell them you’re sorry to see them having such a hard time and that you are so sorry they are hurting. Don’t brush them off, instead, validate what they are saying and affirm you hear them. I think that’s the great part about group therapy, it helps you see you are not alone and it allows you a forum to talk openly about what’s going on in your head, even if it doesn’t make sense. Sometimes, simply having a listening ear is the best therapy. Walking the bay and the boardwalk helps too. Believe me when I say, those of us who suffer, we don’t want to be a burden, therefore, we tend to shut down and close people off from us. We are sensitive, compassionate and loving people and it’s hard for us to reason why you say you’ll help us, be there for us and then forget. Being reasonable is tossed to the wind when it comes to broken promises. Be kind with us and try and understand, it’s not you we are angry with, it’s our lack of being able to cope with the hodge podge of a mess going on in our minds.

Depression is real. It’s taboo to many and it’s more of a problem then I think many want to admit too. I know I have and have had just a couple people who have been with me through it all and I am forever grateful for them. I can’t repay them for all they’ve done for me, but I can pay it forward. I can be that sounding board for someone and I can be that advocate for making depression and other mental health conditions less of a taboo and get the word out there this is real, it’s not some excuse. Hopefully I can make a difference in someone’s life the way some have made a difference in mine.

Well my dear family and friends, that’s all I have today. I hope you are staying safe and please know, you are loved, you are worthy and you mean the world to someone and that someone is me. Please keep those comments coming and I think commenting is easier on this site. I see more comments being posted here rather then just sending me a text. Whatever you choose to do though, I love hearing from you. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++