Happy Wednesday,
How is everyone doing this fine Wednesday? Good I hope. What a beautiful day it was. I love days like today. I went to the bay this morning and it was so peaceful and serene. I even got me a peanut butter cold brew chocolate smoothie. All I can say on that subject is, yummy. Today is a good day and my headaches aren’t all that bad. I’m actually up moving around, so I thought, why not take advantage of a good day and get out and enjoy the peace of the ocean and bay. I’ve been doing some deep soul searching about some events that have happened this past week and I’ve come to some conclusions and I needed a little time to finish sorting them out in my head and a walk along the boardwalk seems to always help clarify things.
I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday regarding my sons, all of my sons. I felt honored to receive a text from one of my “adopted” sons. He loved what I wrote and he too hopes my two sons know that he will always be there for them as well. I couldn’t ask for a better friend for Tommy and Kevin. I love that they have the same circle of friends and they have their individual friends. To know that someone is there for you, beside you to be your partner, behind you to catch you should you fall or simply in front of you to cheer you on, what a blessing that is.
For the first time in my life, I feel I have someone in my world that stands beside me and supports me no matter what, he is always in front of me, cheering me on and I know, when I fall, he’s there to catch me. I never had that before, at least I never felt like I did. I heard it said once that it doesn’t matter in a relationship what you think, it matters what your partner thinks. It’s their perception and their feelings that matter. This in no way is a way to diminish someone’s feelings or intentions, not at all. It’s meant to show us, that it’s important to check in with your partner from time to time. We may be thinking that what we are doing is fine, yet they may feel that they are all alone. It’s called communication. We need to communicate our wants, needs, feelings, fears, likes, dislikes and we need to be able to do so without being met with criticism or excuses. It is the worst thing when you try and talk to someone and they become defensive. In a real, true and loving relationship, we should be able to be so beyond vulnerable with each other.
I know for me, what I felt was, ‘you never stood beside me as my partner, you never walked behind me to catch me when I fell, you only walked in front of me without looking back. I was never able to catch up or catch you.’ This was the result of lack of communication, lack of confidence in being able to talk things out, openly, honestly and without judgment. I can say this though, even though we can’t be together, I’m glad you were apart of my life. We have two of the most amazing sons in the world. I want only happiness for my first love. I would hope he would want the same for me. We simply love differently, and that’s okay. Second chances work out better sometimes because we learn from our mistakes. You were not a mistake, but we made mistakes along the way and there was too much hurt to be healed. We became a mistake.
“If your first love was a wound, then your second love is the medicine to it. If you first love taught you why to love, then the second love will teach you how to love yourself. If your first love teaches you how to love, then your second love will teach you how to express.”-Debopama. I think this is the truest thing I’ve read. I’m learning to love myself. It’s actually encouraged. John encourages me every day with every chat, every phone call, every conversation we have. The concept is so beyond difficult for me, however, with all my medical issues, it’s really a must. I’m learning so much about myself. I’m learning to accept my many mistakes and move forward in this journey to not repeat them. I thought I was able to express love the first time around, and maybe I was, but I obviously didn’t express it the right way, the right way that would work for us to work, otherwise, it would of been reciprocated?
“Second love is always stronger then the first, ’cause if the first love was really so deep, then destiny wouldn’t have taken you to the second.”-Shree. John always says that he prayed for me. Our story is amazing. You see, we met, went to dinner, talked all the time on the phone and then we didn’t talk for almost 8 months. I had to finish up my stuff and he had things to wrap up too. I even deleted his number from my phone. On the very day that we reconnected, it had to have been what God wanted. You see, John prayed to meet someone that would love him just for him. That very evening, I went to text Jen and his name came up. I deleted his name and number and some how, it came up. I ignored it and then a few minutes later, I typed in his name again and there it was, so I simply said, “hi John, I do hope you and the boy are doing well.” Instantly he replied and we started talking again. We talked for about a month before meeting again and when we finally met again, it just came natural and easy. “Because fate has a funny way of mending things back together. I mean, you’re here and I’m here, and we’ll find each other again… that is, if that’s the way it’s supposed to be. So, if you believe and I believe, then someway, somehow, we’ll find each other again….just don’t forget me and I’ll promise to always have you close to my heart.”-R.M. Drake. I think it was supposed to be. I believe in my heart, God put us together.
One of our many conversations is about lessons from God. We also talk in great length about listening to God. You see, there is absolutely no doubt in our minds that God put us together. John and I also agree that we want nothing more than for our exes to find the happiness we’ve found in each other. Everyone deserves love and happiness, everyone deserves a second chance. We have learned from our mistakes and we work hard on not repeating or bringing them into what we share. We love the same and that seems to be, in my opinion, the best kind of love. We are friends first. It’s a great way to start, don’t you think?
Well my dear family and friends, I’ve shared a little more about my place in this life and my journey with an incredible and loving man. I hope you enjoyed the read and remember this, “Life is too short. Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should and let go of what your can’t change.”-Medlawehapps.com. So to my sons, I am sorry for the sadness and pain I’ve caused you. Know this though, I love you more then words could ever express. Second chances aren’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, they turn out to be more then you could of ever thought was possible. I love you all and thank you for the continued support. Until next time, Love Life++
Love Life with Dawna 