That Little Girl

Happy Sunday evening,

How is everyone doing? Good I hope. How was your weekend? The roads are crazy busy as are the stores. I suppose everyone is getting ready for Christmas now as many might be concerned with the rise in Covid cases and some areas hitting the purple zone again. I’m thinking many might be thinking that stores may close down again. I sure hope not. It’s sad to see how many people are getting sick. I hope you are all staying safe during all this crazy happening. Keep those comments coming, I love hearing from you all.

I received some rather disturbing news today. I can tell you this, while I am going to keep it to myself, it has really affected me. The hurt that it is causing is beyond words. For me to clear things up would mean to hurt to many people, so, I will take John and Leslies advice and let it go. With the hurtful words I heard today, it made me think back to my childhood. You see, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a coward when it came to standing up to others. I’ve always just taken it. I’ve had misdirected loyalty. Instead of taking the chance at upsetting anyone, I sit back and accept the blame. I own other people’s hurt, their feelings, their insults and whatever else comes my way. I wish I could go back and relearn and teach myself to be strong and I would tell myself, I’m worthy and my feelings matter.

“If I could go back, I would rewrite her story. The little girl with the light in her eyes, hopes in her heart and big dreams. She went missing long ago, got lost along the way in all the chaos of life. I still search, but I can barely see her now. She’s standing there lost in the middle of all those hopes and dreams, strewn around her like broken toys, no one wants to play with anymore. I owe her an apology and she deserves a better ending to her story. I owe it to myself you see, because that little girl? That little girl is me.”-S.L. Heaton. If I had the courage, I would know how to make things right and I would be able to take my boys aside and make them understand, their mom’s love and loyalty towards them hasn’t changed. I hope someday, when my boys become fathers, they will listen to me when I tell them this, if you should have a daughter, then teach her her worth. Teach her that she matters, that she is special and that she is strong. Let her express herself. Tell her how loved she is and that she will never do anything to change your love for her. Protect her, believe her and be there for her. If you should have a son, then teach him how to treat a woman. Teach him to value her, to accept her flaws and embrace them. Teach your son to love his mother, respect her and to value her. Show your son how to treat a woman by the way you treat his mother.

That little girl inside me is still afraid. She’s afraid to hurt anyone and she’s more afraid to stand up for herself. That little girl isn’t alone in this world. There are so many more like her. I applaud you mothers and fathers who give your little girls self confidence and who help her and guide her to be the strong, independent and worthy women of this world, there isn’t a lot of them out there I fear. I am thankful to my brothers who tell me like it is and who are helping me navigate to becoming the woman I was meant to be. My brothers truly are honoring our daddy’s wishes and protecting me and my heart. I am lucky to have someone that encourages me and who accepts me for all my craziness and flaws. I’m lucky to have someone that wants to know my feelings and who validates them, who let’s me rant and talk things out, over and over again until it’s clear in my head. I’m lucky to have friends who accept me as I am.

I do sincerely apologize to that little girl who was me that never learned to be strong and know her worth. I hope to make the ending to her story so much better than the beginning to her story. I hope that you ladies out there know your worth and that you continue to teach your little girls how valuable they truly are. I hope you woman out there will see how amazing you are, just the way you are. I hope we can all teach our sons how to be real men and that we were created out of mans rib, to stand next to him, by his side. We weren’t created to be lesser than him. Our opinions matter, our thoughts are valid and we are strong, we are worthy, we are smart and we deserve to matter in this world.

Thank you everyone for letting me express myself and be open and honest with you all. Thank you for helping me find my voice and I especially want to thank my incredible big brother, John for being the incredible man that he is. John let’s me vent and then he helps me reason things out. My John is so much like my brother John. I suppose that’s why I love them both so much. My brother Jimmy is a fine example of how to raise a little girl. He empowers her at the same time, teaches his boys how to protect their sister. My brother Donald, what can I say, he has always been there to just listen without judgement. Then there’s my John. He encourages me to just be and let go and let God. I think I’ll be okay and I can hardly wait to see how that little girl inside turns out at the end of her life. Stay tuned, the journey has only just begun. Until next time, Love Life++