A Tear Shed for You..

Happy Tuesday,

How is everyone doing this fine Tuesday evening? Well I hope. It’s election day, and this election is one they say is like no other. Guess time will tell. I won’t ask you who you voted for. I think that’s a private matter and one that should be respected no matter which side you choose. Just my opinion. Some how, every vote counts. Thoughts? Drop me a comment or two and give me your opinion please. I love hearing from you all.

What a crazy few days it’s been. I will say this though, I got time with both my sons and that always makes for the greatest of days and weeks. How was your Halloween weekend? Good I hope. What did you all do or not do? let me know. Lots of changes coming my way, good ones I believe as well as some uncertainties that have me a little stressed, but, I will take one day at a time and keep plugging along knowing that I’m doing the best I can with what information I have in hand.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad lately. I’ve really been missing him. I know my brothers feel the same way. Maybe it’s the holiday’s making us think of him a little more, maybe for me it’s because it was 5 years ago this month that I met my dad for the very first time since I was a little girl. Today marks 5 months since he’s been gone. All I can say is, he left us too soon. I know he was tired though, and he was in pain and I think even a little afraid of what was happening to him. I can’t even imagine what he felt, truly felt. I know the things he shared with me, but I know too, he didn’t share everything. I feel he wanted to spare us some of the real things happening to him and his life. I think he knew his time was coming to an end, I just wish I could say one last good-bye, tell him I love him one more time. I wish I would of hugged him a little longer the last time I saw him. None of that is possible and I am trying to find ways to keep him alive without dwelling on his death.

I saw one of the most beautiful poems about life and death and I wanted to share it with you. “You can shed tears because they are gone, or you can smile because they lived. You can close your eyes and pray they will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that they left for you. Your heart can be empty because you can’t see them, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember only that they are gone, or you can cherish their memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind and feel empty, or you can do what they would want. Smile, open your heart, love…. and go on.”-Elizabeth Ammons. I don’t think the author here is at all saying it’ll be easy to let go and go on, but I do think in her words she is showing us that it’s okay to find the peace in letting go of the pain.

I’ve shed so many tears since my dads been gone. Sometimes I take extra long walks to just be alone with my tears because I miss him so very much. Thinking about what he left me, well, he didn’t leave me anything of financial value, and that’s okay, he left me something so much better, my brothers. I have an even stronger relationship with Donald. A new found relationship with John and a rekindled relationship with Jimmy. Donny and I are still the same. He’s my big brother and I know he’s there for me if I need him. Dads final letter to his five children was that we all get along. He said he felt that was only wishful thinking. I wish he could be here now to see that we are all getting along. My two younger brothers I think have found some comfort in the relationship they have been building with our older brother John. He has truly become the rock of this family. Not long ago I was having a pretty intense day. I needed my dad. I took a stab in the dark and called John. In the kindest, most endearing tone he simply said to me, after my rant that is, “I’m honored you called me. I’m honored to walk in dad’s footsteps and be here for you and Donald and Jimmy.” He has never felt it to be a burden when we call him knowing that we are reaching out to him as our big brother and because we feel a sense of closeness to him being dad’s second born son. John wears his title as big brother with pride. He’s here to listen to us, direct and guide us and he has become the “man” of this family.

I think sometimes John knows when I’m having an off day. It never fails, I could get this overwhelming sense of sadness for dad come over me and somehow, I hear from him. When I talk with John, I’m reminded of the wonderful gift of brothers dad gave me. I know they will protect me and be there for me always. Donald was so very sweet the other day. We were talking about how much we missed dad and I told him I was sad because I’ve found someone who loves me so very much. I’ve found a man that maybe one day I’ll marry, but I’m not sure, even if he did ask if I could say yes. Donald wanted to know why. I told him how sad it makes me to think of getting married again and not having my daddy there to walk me down the isle. Donald said not to worry about trivial things such as that. He said I’ll have two brothers on each side walk me down. Ummm, all 4 of you? He said yup. That’s what brothers do, they step up and take care of their one and only sister, just like dad would want them to do. Donald then said to tell my John this, “Thank you. I’m glad you are there to take care of our sister and to protect her when her overprotective bros can’t be there.”

Dad’s memory lives on. It lives on in his children, his grandchildren and great grandchildren. He left a legacy of Rankins behind in this world and for the most part, we’re a pretty awesome group. Sure, we have our faults, but we also have each other. Dad will live on in each of us and in each of our children and their children and so forth. When my heart starts to feel empty, I’m going to try and think about how my brothers remind me of him. Dad lives in each of us. I see some of the expressions my boys have and I see him. I hear my brothers voices and hear a little bit of dad in them. I see his grandkids growing up, all of them and how they are living their lives and being happy and thriving as children, the way dad would want them to do. I’m thankful for the wonderful memories yet to be made. We as dad’s children have vowed to make a yearly trip to the place where we said our final goodbye till we see you again resting place and on this trip, we will share stories about our own little families and build strong family ties and set examples for our children, their children and so on to stay connected. We are all getting along. We’ve let the past lie and it’s all because of this remarkable, loving and very missed person who we all had something in common with, our daddy.

I’ve shed many a tear for you dad. I know the boys have too. You left behind two remarkable daughter in laws that I’m proud to call my sisters. You left your stamp on this world and with each passing day, I hope we can all open our hearts a little more to letting go of the sadness and being able to embrace what you’ve given to each of us, each other. I love you so very much. I will miss you until the day I leave this world too. I won’t live forever in the emptiness of not having you here, but I will learn to let go and grown in the love we shared as father and daughter. Thank you for the gift of 4 amazing brothers and their families. I’m doing okay daddy. Your sons are taking extra good care of me. Our big brother John has really taken on the role of being the rock in a way that you would be so proud to see. I wish you could of known him. He’s pretty special. Thank you for giving my John your blessing, you were right daddy, he really does love me more than I ever thought possible.

Until we meet again, I hope that you know your wish came true. It wasn’t just a dream. We are united, we are family and nothing can break our ties again. I know you’d be proud of my writing. Wait till I finish my first book. It’s hopefully going to be a wonderful tribute to you, after all, for my entire life I’ve been told, “you are your fathers daughter.” Dang right! I’ll wear that statement with pride. I love you and miss you every day.

Thank you everyone, my wonderful family and friends for reading and helping me along on this journey. Thank you to my brothers and thank you to my John. I love you all. Please don’t forget, love each other, be forgiving and simply, Love Life++