Happiness

Happy Friday,

How is everyone doing this fine Friday afternoon? Any big plans for the weekend? Send me those comments, you know I love hearing from you all. Everything is well here. I was able to see my son Kevin yesterday and his absolutely amazing girlfriend, Jagger. Those two just melt my heart every time I see them. Sometimes I just look at my boys in amazement as to what fine young men they have become. I love how they are living their lives and how they aren’t afraid to tackle this crazy mixed up world. Yes, I’m one proud mama. It’s been a beyond perfect week. I was able to spend time with both my sons and the bonus, I was able to spend time with Jagger and Katie too.

I was checking out YouTube yesterday and was amazed at all the channels I subscribe too. One channel that I particularly enjoy is Fearless Soul. There is always such wonderful quotes and inspiring things to think about. I loved how the quote I read yesterday made me readjust my thoughts on being happy. “Man: ‘I want happiness.’ Buddha: ‘ Remove the “I”… this is ego. Then remove “Want”…. this is desire. Finally, all that remains is “Happiness.” Puts things nicely into perspective. I looked up what ego means exactly. According to dictionary.com, it is “the ‘I’ or self of any person; a person as thinking,feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought…egotism’ conceit; self-importance: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day. Self-esteem or self-image; feelings: Your criticism wounded his ego. Maybe you’re asking, what does this have to do with being happy or happiness? The ego can certainly reduce our chance of happiness, even success. Why? Simply because when things are good, the ego is fed, but when it ends, so does the happiness. “ The ego will overall take you through an unnecessary emotional rollercoaster, Nothing is never enough.”-medium.com. In this case, we will constantly be comparing ourselves to others, what others have, instead of being happy with the things we have. Our lives begin to be an illusion rather than a reality. Our ego puts us in a place where we’ll never be happy.

What does it mean to feed the ego? An example would be, buying perhaps a new car to impress someone. Maybe we buy something we truly can’t afford, but we will figure out a way to pay for it to impress those in our circle. People compliment how nice it is. Maybe we buy a new house and we receive the wow factor from visitors. Did we buy the house because it fits into our means or did we buy it because in the back of our mind, we need feel the need to impress those around us? Are we able to be satisfied and content with what we have? The wow factor we receive when we get something new, guess what? It stops. The new car gets older, new ones, better ones come out. New houses are built or perhaps remodeled and they have all the newest gadgets and gizmos, and suddenly, we aren’t content any longer with what we have. Our friends and family have moved onto being impressed by what someone else has. Now what? Are we happy still with what we have or do we need to look for a new happiness. Do we need to look for a new something bigger and better to feed our need to be complimented on what we have? Do we need the wow factor from those around us, or can we be happy with what we have still?

Have you ever found yourself on that emotional roller coaster? On any crazy rollercoaster?I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been on one, either by choice or by circumstance. What can we do to fix this situation? Fix the mind set of “things” or “the more we have” will make us happy? I know personally, I have fallen into thinking that if I only had enough money to buy just one more quilt kit, or that Mustang or Jeep I’ve always wanted then I couldn’t want for anything else. I sometimes dream about the perfect house. “If only” I had my perfect house I wouldn’t want or need anything more. How wrong that thinking is. Those are just things. What matters most are the people who you share your life with. The people who are there for you through the good, the bad and the ugly.

People ask me sometimes what I did today or what my plans are for the day. I currently don’t work. I don’t have a job outside the home and I think I allow myself to base my own personal value upon some list in my head that I need to check off each and every day and if I can’t do that, then I feel as though I”m admitting I’m not worth much. I’ve always felt that way and I allowed others to treat me as though I didn’t have any value because I didn’t have some high paying job. I was recently told that I didn’t contribute much to the estate I shared with my ex husband. It was said that “I didn’t work.” I believed that and believe it to some degree still. I didn’t bring home a check or if I did it was a very small check. My checks went to paying for the spirit packs for the boys sports, their extra curricular activities and on occasion, I would splurge and buy a quilt kit while on a once a year shop hop with my friend Susan. I thought so little of myself that I allowed my boss to convince me that I didn’t need a raise and I certainly didn’t need to make more money because my husband at the time was making a fairly decent income from the same company. My job performance, though exceptional, never merited a fair income from the company. I knew others who did the same kind of work as me working for competitors that made 50-70% more then me. I justified that by saying to myself, “my husband is making a fair salary and that compensates for my low salary. Combined with what he makes, I am making a decent wage. How wrong that thinking was. I not only hurt myself, but I was hurting our own personal financial growth. I didn’t value myself and I allowed others, my boss and my ex, to place a value on me. If I would of placed value on myself and valued myself as an employee, I would be in a lot better financial place now. If I placed value on myself I would never of allowed someone to tell me that my work meant nothing. That the things I did for my household wasn’t work. Even though I didn’t work for part of my marriage and during the time my boys were little, I still worked. Raising a family is work. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, homework, doctor appointments, taking kiddos to and from school, sports, play dates, that’s all work. It’s a very satisfying and fulfilling job and the pay scale is based upon the joy and love you build within your home, and the rewards are not monetary, but are personally rewarding. Bottom line though, it’s still work, it’s still a job. It is one of great value and should never be treated as anything less than one of the most important jobs in the world.

Matthew 11:28 states, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” In my life, I allowed the mindset of others to wear me down, the mindset I placed upon myself that I had to keep up. I felt I had to keep pace with everyone else. I was happy being a mom and wife, and yet, I felt I had to do more. I was a slave, in bondage of having to prove my worth. As a follower of Christ, I didn’t allow him to give me rest. I allowed my ego to get in the way. I never saw my worth based upon knowing I was doing all I could to the best ability that I could. I compared myself to others. I set impossible goals and would beat myself up when I didn’t achieve them. I didn’t allow myself to be truly happy because “I” didn’t feel I was doing enough. I didn’t contribute enough was my mindset. I didn’t see my value and didn’t require my ex to value me either.

What am I doing to change the mindset of needing more in order to define my happiness and worth? How am I finding value in me? I’m learning to embrace things that I love to do. Writing being one of them. I’m doing everything I can to try and not compare myself to others. I’m me. I’m happy with who I’m becoming. I’m blessed to have people like John who see me as worthy, even when I doubt my own worth. Time to remove the “I” and “want” and just be happy. My wish for you is happiness. Happiness in the amazing persons you are.

Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing from you. Please drop me a comment or two. I love hearing from you and until next time, Love Life++.